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via Prem Writes

Day 46 : The Beast of Depression

There is this one thing that I've often wondered about  - that I do wonder a lot.

There are times with a book or a movie or a wall in front of me;  and I just stare blankly at it with my mind somewhere seas apart.

I am sure a lot many people do this. After all it is so comfortable there inside our heads. The world is such a convenient place. We can be as brave as we want. There is no one smarter than us there. We always know all the right words to say. We won’t have to be cautious about anything here, and always will all the battles. This world is so much prettier than the real world. Who wants this 'real' world anyway? A world filled with burden and sorrow and bitter disappointments. Half the time our life is spent making up for lost opportunities, and the rest is spent wallowing over how we’ll never make up for the loss no matter how much we try.

We all have a deep depressing beast inside all of us that we never fully understand, let alone satisfy. This beast is always going to push and prod us and hold something or the other over our head. This beast will always wail and shed rivers of tears over the sadness that we've have brought upon us and the over the people we hold dear. This beast knows just what to say and show us to bring us over to his side. It will always have that power to tantalize us into thinking there is no scope of victory; that there is no chance of any change in the tide of events.

Things were always sad and hopeless for you, and just because you decide to do something to fight it won't mean your future would be any different.

We in our inexplicable way always feed its hunger. This dark beast breeds off of your hopelessness and grows bigger and fiercer by the day, till the time when you are nothing but a hollow shell of the person you were. You lose your battle even before the results are declared.

Our lives are just too confusing and tiring for any of us to hope to keep hold of our sanity for any long duration. Every once in a while you will find yourself that you have started lashing out at the people around you. Or that you are holed up in a room letting nobody in. Or spending more means to try and keep people away from you; letting them see the bags under your eyes due to the lack of sleep. You sulk around, drag your feet, and sigh your sad sighs over every blow you take. Fate has beaten the life-force out of you. And now your existence seems nothing but a sad process to the eventual downfall to mental annihilation.

But you see... sometimes, you also find a little glimmer of light showing at the end of the tunnel. This bleak damp seemingly endless tunnel of despair you’re in has an end!

You slowly bring yourself you move your feet towards the light. It is hard work, your legs are heavy with the weight of all the burdens and sorrow that you have been carrying through all this time. But still slowly but surely they keep moving forward. Even your body knows how much you need to see that light with your eyes. You move forward.

Slowly your shoulder seems to grow weary, the burden seems too tough to bear anymore. And the light is so close now; you can almost feel its warmth. You cannot stop for a break now. You cannot trust yourself to make it this far again. You shrug your shoulders and let the burden slowly slid off of you one by one. It feels so much better now. You almost chuckle wondrously at how it easy it was to let go of the weight. It seemed so fearsome before. You look back and see all of you misfortunes lying there behind you like your many footprints in the sand of time. So small.

Now you are there. Right in front of the end of the tunnel. There is a door there. It is old wood, seems sodden and damp with age. This door has not been used in a long while. But there is warm air through its hinges, and from below it there is sunny yellow light pushing through onto your feet. Your feet look bloody and dirty with you waddling through your dark tunnel. But now in that light, you like the look of it. It seems callous but firm and hard, ready to step confidently through whatever may be in store for you beyond that bright inviting sunshine.

Today, you shall open that door and step into the light.

Day 45 : Loyalty

Loyalty. It is something that is always thrown on somebody's face just to remind them of that little favor that we've done for them, while feigning it was not a big deal, but now have come in cash in on that.

Loyalty. It is that is thrown on a spouses face when he/she is caught lewd texting a co-worker while we ourselves sniff and eyeball every attractive person of the opposite sex that we come across.

Loyalty. It is that thing which is shoved down your throat every time your favorite team plays, you've been rooting for that team for so long that right now it doesn't even makes any sense why you started in the first place.

Loyalty. It is that thing that your soon-to-be ex-bosses uses while pointing fingers at you when you put in your papers. While they themselves have switched at least half a dozen companies in a just as many years.

Loyalty. Is overrated.

There was a time when it really meant something to support and feel true to a cause. Or to a country or a creed or a person. There was a sense of right in it. A sense of honor of sticking to your faith in something. But as the sense of honor in anything lost its importance. So did loyalty.

Today loyalty is just used as a baton to lash you into submission. You didn't like this thing that we as a mob believe in? You are not loyal. You are a dishonorable piece of frog dung.

Well, the truth is I don't believe that anyone can be that loyal in this day and age. At least not to an entity that they don't see or touch or have to go home to each night. I believe the loyalty to the abstract belongings of the past era is gone. Today is more or less a barter system at best. People will be true to you only until they will see any profit in it.

Don't get me wrong. I do believe if you are loyal to something that is a good thing. If you have a rock solid faith like that in something then you are a much better person than I, and kudos to you.

I just believe that people have change today. Things don't happen to people just because they are entitled to it. Most of us have to work for it. Only the top 1% gets things handed to them on a silver platter. And people really aren't even loyal to them. The moment some genius figures out a way to rob these guys off of their riches, it is hello Mr. Richie Rich Turncoats.

I believe in action more than words. Somebody saying they are loyal to something or someone doesn't merit for a lot if they are busy badmouthing the same thing behind their backs. Actions count. If you are loyal to something. Stick to it. And before committing your faith to something, let it prove to you that it is ready to go the extra mile to earn that right.

Today, be loyal. But also let people know that they to earn it.

Day 42 : You Are Your Own Best Friend

There always comes a time in a person's life when he comes to terms with what he/she really is. Sure there is a decent possibility that what you must be today would be a lot different than what you would end up to be tomorrow. We are all each day evolving and reacting to the things around us and happening to us. Our turmoil and joy never really stays the same year round and so neither does our personality.

If you were to look back at the person I was even last year and what I am now. You wouldn't really notice any stark differences. I'd still be the tall, big, loud guy who laughs at his own jokes. But once you get more than just skin deep, you will find a lot more things amiss. For instance, I abuse far too less now. People from my college used to have a wager on how long I could go on without abusing someone. I never lasted more than a couple of hours. But now my language has become so tame, I even use the respectful forms of all verbs in the sentences. I only abuse around a handful of people. The ones that I am really close to. Once you get a swear word out of my mouth; Dude, you're in the inner circle.

I am sure you'd find a lot many things in you as well that you feel has changed over time. And that is not essentially a bad thing. I guess changes are good. They keep you learning new things about yourself. You begin to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and also begin to gauge your thresholds when it comes to the many emotions your heart and mind is pounded with on a daily basis.

You see. One day, when the time is right. Your happiness and your sorrow will just come down to how much you have understood your own being. After all you are the only one who has the weapons to let yourself be hurt. And you are the only one who ever has had enough cause to keep you happy.

You will always have people around. People you love. People you hate. People you respect. People you look down upon. People you want to throw off the roof of Burj Khalifa. But in the end, none of them really matter do they?

You only live life with you yourself for company, and to hate. So why even try to understand anyone else thinks of you.

Today. Believe, trust, and love yourself. You deserve it.

Day 41 : Imagination

Have you noticed that when you sit silent for a few moments and you mind goes off wandering to some distant shore dreaming up things. How it always seem to climax into the past?

Our mind is an amazing thing, with powers beyond measure. We can live, die, procreate, decimate, grow, shrink, travel, anything inside our heads. There is nothing that we cannot do or create or visit inside our heads. With all of the permutations and combinations of universes and existences that we can imagine, almost all the time our mind always comes back to the past.

We are all anchored to our past. We dream of the future yes, but even when we dream the roots of that dream sprouts from our own pasts. We all want to be rich, because in past we have had felt the sting of poverty. We all want to look attractive, because in past all of us have felt a bit average compared to others around us. We all want to be intelligent, because in past we've been looked down upon as ignorant. We all have our own needs and desires. And nearly half of them are something that we had lacked in the past; or something that we imagined/known in the past.

I wish there was some way that we could just cut off the cord with the past so that our minds may simply go ahead and take us to the worlds unknown to us. Places and sights that is so strange for us that the very notion of them would be exhilarating.

For example, look at all the popular alien movies and books we see. All of them have limbs and eyes and consciousness. Whenever I imagine of alien existence, I think of some specie that do not have a body. They don't have need for eyes to see, nor any measure of right or wrong. They are alien creatures with alien needs and powers. Why should they ever even imagine being anything like us?

In a way, they reason the movies and books make do with such portrayal is not because they cannot think of weird beings. They do, a lot. But they still to sell their product better they feel they need to tone it down. In other words, they are saying the masses are not capable of imagining let alone accepting anything too out of the acceptable limits of unfamiliar. I feel that is sort of insulting.

There is this popular American show of the 70's called Cosmos. It is a semi-scientific documentary series about the universe telecast during the Space Race. It is quite good, some of the graphic might seem to campy by today's standard but honestly I find them a lot more open to imagination than a lot of other stuff we are shown or taught.

It is a popular belief ancient Indian scholars could calculate and predict eclipses, distances between the planetary objects and satellites etc just by looking at the stars. These scholars researched human body and universe out there by just imagining the whole way it functions. The whole science of astrology was an output of this imagery.

I love our strength of imagination a lot. I enjoy the sense of freedom that it gives us. I only dislike the way our imagination is limited by our known world.

Today, I am going to add a really weird alien creature to my horror story.

Day 38 : Life In A Cubicle

Okay, I've opened my word processor now and thinking of what to write about. After all it’s been two days that I've posted something here, and that by definition violates the reason this space was made for.

So, let's see. The past two days have been pretty hectic. I mean more hectic than usual, obviously. Been working long hours in office, which isn't anything new, but for past two days actually experienced the workload. Damn, couldn’t have left my workstation for more than five minutes at a stretch.

The truth is, yes the burden of it all is overwhelming, still I am sort of actually enjoying the experience.

Whenever some colleague starts complaining how bad the situtation is, I sort of rewind to the time when I was a kid and heard the elders complain about how busy or tired they felt. Back then, being the little cauldrons of energy that we were, we never understood what they were crying over.

We always pictured our folks sitting at a desk punching numbers, shuffling papers and yelling to each other over telephones. At least that's what all the TV shows showed office life to be like. And we used to think we go to school, do all the study and activity there, come home, play sports with other kids in the block, fight with a few, and come home, do homework, eat vegetables and go to sleep only to wake up again the next day to repeat the same cycle all over again. What the heck were these grownups complaining about?

Now I sort of do realize how exhausting spending a better part of one's day in a cubicle can be. I mean what most of us do in a regular day's work still is just sitting on our butts all day and pushing keys on a keyboard. Most of us never even break a sweat in all the time that we are inside our air-conditioned cubicle. But at the end of the day, we feel just as drained as a coal miner coming home after a 12 hour shift.

I for one, abnormally, am actually enjoying it nonetheless.

Every new day there is something new to learn. Every new day something new has gone wrong. Every new day we fix it and bring order to chaos. (Some of these so-called calamities, are blown so out of proportion!)

Yes since I spend the majority of my day in office, my actual life is in limbo. But then that is not like a permanent thing ,right. I can always go back to being the animal that I was in college. Right?

I suppose that is just novelty/naivety talking. I am still only over a couple of years into this lifestyle so maybe the monotony of it all has not kicked in yet. Maybe it will all go scary for me too somewhere down the line. And it would be too late to salvage anything of our personal lives then. Hunh.

I hope I still have a few more good years in store for me. I really am enjoying myself right now.

(Minus the long hours)

Today, I hope to God I go home early.

Day 37 : Love Each Other. Consensually.

Today's work goes here - Love Each Other. Consensually.

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Day 36 : John Goddard !!

Today. A colleague sends me this link. And then I go berserk the rest of the day.

Prior to my seeing it, if you had asked me who I thought is my role model. I wouldn't have a straight answer to give to you. I mean sure I would’ve made up some clichéd story like my folks, or a teacher, or a famous writer/thinker. But that would to some extent be false. Now I am happy to say I won't have to make up stuff anymore. I officially have a role model now. And his name is - John Goddard.

He has every right to look smug!

Seriously dude, look at his LIST! He has done everything!!

There are things in this list that I think you will find in the bucket list of every single human being on this planet. And then there are things so exciting, they definitely deserve to be in everyone’s list.

Visiting exotic places, doing extraordinary things, doing ordinary thing and actually enjoy them, speak more languages, learn new musical instruments, re-trace famous voyages by other famous explorers, read more books, write books, go around the globe (four times!).

 And so many more...

There are few people on this planet who can confidently say "been there, done that" without coming off as a lame bullshitter. He has actually been everywhere, done everything, and experienced everything. He even has a list to prove it. And books, and shows, and pictures.

He even went on the lecture circuits in the States speaking about his myriad experiences. I mean, he is the one guy on this planet who should be everyone's role model. The one guy who's very life is a lesson on how to live life to the fullest!

I guess when Mr. Goddard passed away couple of years back and reached the pearly gates up top. My guess is he would have been welcomed with open arms by the Creator. Who else to get the feedback on how beautiful his creation is!

Today, I will make a bucket list. One more resolution to accomplish this year.

P.S. I know there are way too many exclamation marks in this post. But darn it, this guy is awesome!!!

Day 35 : Office Romances

If you've read my last post you already know how much I love public transportation. Mainly because there is  always a good chance that you'll get to witness something interesting. Today was one of them.

Today is Monday. And as is it is with a majority of people on this planet, I hate this day. It means the end of a two day's rest and the beginning of another grueling week at work. Today's commute promised to be just like that. Another start of the week where I try to recollect what was the situation in office on Friday, did I keep any time-bombs laying around that would've now exploded all over my inbox via mails over the weekend. This hasn't ever happened yet, but I always come to work on Monday with almost as much dread as despise.

I was having an inner monologue regarding it with myself like JD from Scrubs, about the how the little things scare us so much in life when I realized the train had almost reached my station. I got up to get near the exit. I was so engrossed in my conversation with myself inside my head that I didn't notice that some people around me were staring my way. I looked this way and that way, everyone really was looking at me. Was I talking out loud?

That's when I noticed that they weren't actually gawking at me but to the people standing behind me. A guy and a girl. The guy was tall and buffed up. The girl by the looks of it a Punjaban, umm a guy can always tell. They both looked very familiar. But since they were standing just behind me I didn’t have a good look. I couldn't just turn around and outright stare at time like a pervert. I’d wait till I got off the train.

All the time that I was conscious of them, I was also aware that they were arguing. The girl was talking mostly. And I sensed the reason that people were staring at her was not just because she was hot. But also because that she was verbally abusing the guy. Even I was impressed by the way she was describing various parts of the guy's anatomy. While the guy just stood there grinding his teeth, trying his best not to lash out at her. I am sure many in the compartment, had made silent bets with themselves that he will be losing it very soon if this went on another few minutes.

But in a few minutes we all got down the station and everyone went in their separate ways. I could still see people turning around repeatedly, or walking slow to catch some more of the couples spat. Apparently they were working at the same office complex as my company so it was easier for me to stay within earshot to them. Sorry, some gossips are just irresistible.

By the time we got out the station and crossed the road, their conflict had died out and they both got silent. In the beginning they were walking along side each other, if only to be able to fight better. But now, since they had become largely aware of the people around them enjoying themselves with their early morning soap drama. They became silent and started walking apart from each other. The guy walked brisk and ahead of her, while the girl got her earphones out of her handbag and put them on walking a few paces behind him.

This went on all along the way till the entrance of our office complex. I had by this time, restarted the music in my own earphones that I had paused in the train while listening to their argument. I walked along the sidewalk shuffling music and had nearly forgotten the couple by the time I reached my office building. I looked up, and there they were. The guy still walking fast, the girl still a few steps behind now speaking to someone on her phone. They worked in the same company as me. Now I realized why they looked so familiar, they were teammates with one of my friends. Interesting.

Then it got more interesting. When the time came to get into the elevators to go to our respective floors the girl skipped two shuttles to avoid getting into the same elevator as the guy. Maybe she thought getting into such close confines with someone when you're as mad as at him as right now, is not a good idea. Incidentally I got into the same elevator as she did. The ride  as usual was silent, everyone busy with their own mobile phones and thoughts. But my attention was secretly directed to the girl throughout. She was sobbing a little, shivering all over, her skin white as sheet. She really was upset.

When the lift opened up at the floor she worked in, she only realized it to get out at the last moment. On the other side of the lobby, I could see the guy also just getting into the same lobby. Well, they both did work in the same team remember. This day was going to be very tormenting to them. Must be very uncomfortable, sitting near someone with whom you have so much baggage.

I don't know what their story is. But just to be conventional, let's just assume they were a couple. They just had a fight. Hopefully just a small one which’ll get fixed in a couple of days. But what if it didn't? What if they split up? Well they did work on the same floor, probably sat close to each other. They’ll inevitably rub shoulders with the same set of people. They’ll probably cause more awkward situations with their colleagues, over whose parties to attend. It is always tough to choose which friend to stand by post a break-up.

They will not even be able to work together properly. Their boss is going to have a lot many unforeseen complications coming his way. Good luck, guy.

Damn, this really is heavy.

Today, I think office romance is worse than what it is made up to be.

Day 34 : Look Up From Your Mobile Screens

My daily commute to work my favorite part of the day.

I travel by train for thirty minutes to reach office. There is a lot disruptive internet connection along the way so I turn off the mobile data. This in turn gives me half an hour of social media black hole. No Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, more importantly no WhatsApp. Darn there are way too many groups and people online everywhere, leading to a bunch of useless notifications propping every few seconds. And as much as I try not to, I do end up unlocking and checking the notifications out of habit to see if anything has come up in my direction. For me it has become like a second nature now. It’s a disease.

There was this really awesome video on this - 'Look Up.' A spoken word film for an online generation

This was a hard hitting video on how our online presence in social media is damaging this generation's interpersonal skills. Inevitable went on to become viral in YouTube, Facebook and all the other social networking sites. The sites that played villain in this film. Humph, ironic.

Anyways, coming back to talk about today's train ride. I was as usual sitting there with a song (Rahman’s) blasting away in my earplugs, idly watching out the window to the buildings and roads running past by the railroad tracks. Soon got bored of it, and turned my head into the compartment for another of my favorite daytime pastime; people watching.

Almost everyone in the train had the earplugs on. Almost everyone had their heads bowed down in utmost reverence to the little rectangular idol spurting light and words like LOL and ROFL and GFY. Some people I could see were mating little images of candies to each other on their Candy Crush apps, quite obsessively. Some were watching TV shows or movies on their mobiles, which I personally feel is a grave insult movies were not made to be watched on such a small screen.

The crowd that made me feel most uneasy was a bunch of college kids. There were nine of them. I could easily make out that four of them were a thing, as in GF/BF, and then there were three other guys and two girls who by their looks of uncomforted were naturally the third wheels of this group.

The thing that made me uneasy was not disparity in their amorous equality; it was their lack of attention to each other. The third wheels naturally were doing something of their own to occupy their time. This mostly should include pulling each other’s legs, especially the couples, raunchy jests at their professor’s expense, the like. But here, they were all also bowed down to their mobile screens. Yes, there was always someone saying something and the rest listening or at least pretending to. I am sure no one had any idea what the whole conversation was about.

The couples were no better, one pair had a girl who was shopping for something on the Flipkart app while the guy who had been trying to say something to her, soon gave up and plugged his earpiece and started watching out the window. In the whole group the other couple were the only people that showed some potential, sure they played that Surfer game for a bit but at least they were doing it together.

Now I think I hated seeing them. Their lack of friendship. I'd like to think that it was just one of those days when they all had something to do than spend time with each other. But when I sit and think of the things that they felt were so important than spending time with each other, I feel queasy. Come on, you can always play that stupid game when you’re alone. Is it that important to do it right now?!

I don’t think I have any right to accuse them of anything when I’ve done that so many times myself, especially at home when there is a stupid movie going on. Movie watching has always been the family-time in my household. I sort of see it slipping away.

I believe Gary Turk did mean something by that video. I think we are all going down a very troublesome road.

Today, I plan to shut off the notifications on my mobile. And hope to keep my hands off of it more each day.

Day 33 - To All The Pricks Of The Planet

I've always seen happiness as the thing that is supposed to enrich our standard of living. When we are cheerful it rubs off on the people around us. We treat them with more warmth and compassion, we have more affection to go around and we always have a kind word for everyone one. Our world is one big happy family.

Then there are those have a different world around them. My assumption is these are the ones who have this inane desire to be a jerk. The ones who are simply not having a happy life or are so not content with their own lives they take it upon themselves to spread the gloom around them. They not only whine about how they have it bad in every which way, but also are in a constant state of crap-mouth. They will put you down, treat you like dirt, and take every opportunity to point out your faults.

They think that by doing this they accomplish something. While honestly it kind of is the exact opposite of that. By doing all this they are just alienating the people around them. People are one of the basic ingredients for happiness. Shoveling themselves into a corner hole, from which there is no coming out just more depth of wallowing, they are just ensuring they never ever find happiness in their life at all.

I wish sometimes I could take these people by the shoulders and give them big a mighty shake. Dude, chill! You're going stroke yourself into an early grave if you keep going down this road. Be a little more gentle with the people around you. Sure you're not obligated to, but you surely are expected to be human once in a while. You are still human, aren’t you?

Being a crude, brash person is alright; I am one. But being a crude, brash person; with the sole intention to harm someone is not really a good thing. You are just showing the world how diminutive you hold your own self worth by having to pull down other people to your level to feel good about yourself.

Help people up, it will only heighten your place in the world. Putting people down, will only lead to gradually dragging yourself down.

Be good, my friend. As overrated as it seems, goodness does have its advantages. If nothing, there is an instant feeling of cheerful accomplishment in it. That’s not it. Well I wouldn't know how to exactly describe it, hope you try it some time and experience it for yourself.

As for others..

Today, have some sympathy and understanding for the pricks of the planet. They need help.

Day 31 : Secret To Get Rid Of The Blues : Beaches

Today was sort of depressing. Not a lot matters to a person, who has for a long while who's considered himself a lost cause. And being around someone so down in the gutters, can make anyone feel very glum about life.

I have always been strong on the belief that we as specie have only been able to reach the point of greatness that we are in by doing extraordinary things with the things that nature has bestowed upon us. I mean look at us, we are not as strong as a bear, nor are we as fast as a wild cat. But still we are at the top of the food chain while others are barely surviving in the endangered species list. I don't suppose that's any individual's point to brag about, but still I think there is a lesson to be learned there.

We have immense capacity for greatness. Even if that greatness is not Aristotle or Da Vinci or Genghis Khan type of greatness but awesome nonetheless. We all were such a puny slimy thing when born. And look at us now; we each have a mind of our own and persona to boot. We are all our own creations, we should be really proud of ourselves.

Instead, we spend a large part of our lives whining about little things that we find not so pleasing about our lives. We feel so insecure about ourselves that we compare our lives and ourselves to everyone around us. When see one of friend's pictures partying in Bangkok, we say why not me? When we see updates of them going out with someone hot, we say why not me? When we see them getting promoted, we say why not me? When we see them winning awards or getting to travel overseas for work, we say why not me? I don't know, I suppose we do seem a little like Samwell Tarly. Forever self-depreciating.

But when we sit and think about it, aren't we being a bit tunnel sighted. I mean sure that guy is dating a hot chick, did you stop to think maybe he is also being cheated on? Sure that guy is travelling abroad; maybe that guy has had to leave behind his newborn child behind because of it. Sure that guy is partying in Thailand; maybe that guy lost lot money doing that. You see, there is another side to every news feed. Not everything that appears on your Facebook is gospel. Sit and think about it. Do you think you're life is any less glorious than any of them just because of lesser events or glossy pictures to show off?

You cannot measure your life with moments that are breathtaking and joyous. Nor can we indict it, based on the moments that hurt you or made you weep. Cumulatively, our lives are much bigger than these moments. And it is our responsibility to recognize that respect its grandeur. We are not handicapped by a few setbacks, nor are we empowered by a handful of good fortune.

When you feel you are going through a spree of screw-up. Take a break. Go to the beach; take a lungful of the warm stuffy air. Take a gander at the wide ocean spread out in front of you. See the sky high above, higher than any of the dreams and hopes you've set for yourself. Feel the small grains of sand between your toes. Feel your own self in the grand scale of things. See how tiny you are? Now imagine how puny your troubles really are.

You don't feel too intimidated by them now, do you?

We all go through rough patches of luck in life. It is inevitable. But while going through them, we must always remember that these are also the times when a man discovers his true potential.

So instead of whining and complaining, and give everyone around you the blues. Start being your optimistic, and give yourself a pat in the back for surviving so far in the fight.

Today, go to the beach.

Day 30 : Good Things Come To Those Who Wait For It.

When we were kids we were repeatedly preached that the best things in life come to those who work for it.

Then we came to learn, there are not many things in life that can be titled as "best". Even what we think is the best right now, might get replaced something shinier and attractive somewhere down the line. The "best" thing is only so perfect for us until it is the only thing that holds our attention, once something more interesting comes into our lives these things lose their glitter. And so - out of sight, out of mind.

Next we came to learn, there are a lot many things in life that won't be coming your way no matter how much you toil for it. Some things are simply always out of our reach. It stays dangling there like a carrot in front of a rabbit, and we are destined to eternally race towards it. We'd be so much better off not dreaming about these things, no matter how desirable they may be. Because more sorrow is caused by these things that we desire, than those that we deserve.

This should be a good point as any to insert my take on this:

Good things come to those who wait for it.

There is nothing more important in a person's life than having that feeling at least once in their lifetime that they've finally accomplished something worthwhile in their life. I think that is what we all live for, to die knowing that when we finally shed our mortal coil, we leave behind something for our fellow men to remember us by. Nobody likes to be forgotten.

But when you come to think of it, there are around 7.3 Billion people on this planet right now. There must have been probably a similar number of people passed through this planet since the dawn of time. How many names of these people do you know? Okay to make it more practical, let's assign each person on this planet to write down all the people they could think of, historical, blood relatives, that-guy-who-brought-the-milk, anyone. Do you think if we combined this humongous list together we would be able to find every man or woman, or others, ever lived on this planet?

Probably not.

So what is the point? What is the whole point of your planning, backstabbing, scheming and conniving your way into the history books? What is the whole point of competing with the guy next to you to achieve that something that given time would be easily forgotten?

Sure you will be remembered today, tomorrow, even for a couple of dozen years after you die. Does that really mean that much a big of an accomplishment?

I don't know. I think the best that we can hope for is do good by the people around us - the people whose lives matter to us and to whom our lives really do matter. During our own frigging lifetimes. Once I do pass away, I don't think I will really know if someone spells my name wrong, or if someone spreads the rumor that I listened to Justin Bieber. Frankly my dear, I don't think I would give a damn.

Our lives are really quite amazing. And if you are reading this, it would be safe to assume that you earn enough to have a computer or mobile phone with Internet access. There are people much worse than you. Yes, like people who do not have a Facebook account. So be grateful that you have a better life.

Instead of complaining and whining all day about not having that special thing that you worked so hard for such a long time; why don't you take your folks out for a dinner tonight? Or simply order in a Pizza, rent a movie and veg out in front of the television with you arms around a loved one. In the end, these are the only people who are going to think of you the longest and remember you for what you truly are. Love them, and cherish them with all your heart. They matter.

Today, make plans for doing something special. And actually do it.

Day 27 - 28 : Queen of Spades and the Faint of Hearts

Today's work goes here - Queen of Spades and the Faint of Hearts

Day 18 - 25 : Old Friend's Wedding

Ah. Where shall I begin?!

This past week was so freaking amazing. Visited Gujarat after ages. And darn was it AWESOME!

Nothing compares to the feeling of belonging when you are with old friends. It's almost like coming home. The same old familiar jokes, same old familiar stories, and the usual banter and pushes and shoves. And if these friends happen to be of your college times, you can be guaranteed that things are going to be all the more eventful.

I remember one of my uncles’ say how the best times he had ever had and the best friends he had ever made were of when in college. Back then I was in high school and I sniggered at him thinking how I'd had the best gang of mates while in school and nothing would beat roaming around town with them in a borrowed cycle.

The wedding I was to attend was of a pair that had met in college and have been together ever since. So this wedding also was a special one. More of the old faces were compelled to make an appearance like me. The more the merrier.

When I looked around the dinner table when all of us were seated. I could see how we all were now in a very different place in our lives than how we were in college. A few of us married for a while now, a couple just newly married, no children as of now; but then that could change anytime as well. A few new marriages in the pipeline, by the year's end exactly half of my original group would be married. And why shouldn't it be so, after all it is nearly five years since we left college.

Damn. That’s a long time.

But I still feel overtly nostalgic about those times. We all do. We still recall the midnight card games, junk food, assignment completions. We all go gushy over the times when one of us got the kick by a girl, or when one of us actually got to go out with one. We all laugh of the times when we goofed off in class and pulled pranks on each other.

Damn. There are so many things.

But I still think not a lot has changed about any of us. Maybe we're all the same as we always were. Sure we've got fat, slim, rich, poorer, stingy, whatever. But we are still the same with each other as we were. We still torment each other with the same lame topics as we did earlier. And we still like and hate the same things about each other. I guess that's what friendship's all about. Being the same, always.

Today, I plan to spend a lot of time revisiting the old college picture's folder.

Day 17 : Mr. Mopey Vs Mr. Cheery

Things have a way of coming around to to bite you in the butt sometimes.

I remember this one guy from work that had a serious inferiority complex with respect to another co-worker. Both came from the same town, same university, both even looked the same - short and stout, similar family background, drawing similar paycheck each month, working on same technology. The only difference one was a really cheery happy-go-lucky guy and everyone's fav guy. The other was sullen and silent, that guy in every group picture who's too shy/pompous to smile for the camera. You can never make up your mind whether you like him or not.

The sullen guy, we'll call Mopey, puts in extra hours at work does all the tasks on time, even earlier than most. Rarely gets up from his seat even for tea breaks, when he does he always goes alone. 

The smiley guy, we'll call Cheery, rarely stayed overtime, went for tea breaks and lunch like clockwork with a big group of colleagues, and still gets his work done by the end of the day. 

The only difference here was when people here knew who Cheery was; they just tend to think Mopey was part the office furniture.

Mopey didn't like it one bit. He tries, by God does he try. But I guess its just the way some people are and there is just no changing what’s in their nature no matter how much they themselves want to. He tries to speak with co-workers, opening up to people about him selves, trying to listen what they did over the weekend or when they crib about how the client is over-working them or how their wives are being a big nag-machine of late.

But he soon gets tired of all the talk. His mind drifts off to someplace else, and starts taking glances at his mobile screen checking out the time and everyone knows he is not listening to single word what they are saying.

That's where Cheery really trumps, he listens. He knows everyone's story. He knows whose relationship sucks, he knows who is dating who at work, and he even knows if someone likes books or shoes better as a birthday gift.

As a little getting back for being so awesome, Mopey pulled a nasty trick on Cheery last week. He overheard someone speaking to Cheery in the cafeteria, sitting on the next table to him while he was on his lonesome as usual. He came to know of some little secret about this someone, who was only comfortable sharing it with Cheery here. Mopey spread the little tidbit around office. He was real sly about it as well, proud of his own genius.

Well it worked it seemed. This someone and Cheery had big falling out, everyone started to wonder if Cheery could really keep a secret. Cheery started to lose his shine.

Mopey forgot one little detail. He doesn't talk to people much. When he does, the other guy remembers the conversation pretty well. And everyone was much better friends with Cheery than to him. The story un-puzzled itself before the work-week as up. Everyone now knew how Mopey was the real culprit. And now everyone is farther away from Mopey, and closer with Cheery as ever. All was right again in the universe.

Lesson to be learnt - before entering a game you don't know the rules to, ensure that at least you have you butt covered in case of a backfire.

Today, was conspiratorially enlightening.

Day 15 : War of the Words

I've been watching old episodes of Scrubs of late. It's really funny, in a lame dorky sort of way. But I like it.

And the JD inner-monologue thing is totally relatable. I think we all do that. Maybe it is just me; I hope that did make it seem like me saying I hear voices inside my head. I do not. Most of the time.

Anyhow. I sometimes have this inner monologue with myself, most of these happen when I am especially pissed off at somebody or did some extremely embarrassing. I play it around inside my head, cursing myself over it, or thinking up of smart things I could've said to bring in a strong comeback line.

Alas, always after the moment has been passed. Funny, how none of these wit and spunk actually was around when I was in between the argument itself. So many wars would've been tilted to your truly's favor.

We all seem so smart and intelligent inside our heads, with all of our personality and charm at its best. I wonder if it gets lost in its way from our brain to our mouth. I think there must to be some sort of directions/sign-posts all along the way, which out our wit just conveniently ignores and we end up paying the price by embarrassing ourselves.

I remember at least half a dozen incidents since my wee-lad age where I stood there stumped and looking like a buffoon. Only a couple of minutes after the moment had passed finally figuring out the one-liner that would have been the perfect come back.

Well today was one of those days when I actually did that. Even the liners that I cooked up inside my head after the squabble did not come close to the scar that my original one hit home with my opponent. And yes, no matter what you may think of it, I am proud of that. This sort of success doesn't come daily to Mr. Nice Guy.

Today, was fun.

Day 12 : Workaholic

I am not sure if you, who are reading this, are already in my daily good-morning mailer list or not. If you are you might've already seen the above picture in my today's mail, and if not I'd really like it if you’d send me you personal id so that I can add you to my list! :)

Anyhoo. The reason that this picture got to be here is that A: I was feeling too lazy today to think up something interesting to write about; B: Damn, this one does feel so true!

Every person I see these days, no matter what sort of job they are doing are workaholics or are slowly and surely on their path to become one. Everyone is in a hurry be the big dog of the park that we all are too invested in our professional lives than the life that we have outside of it.

Our personal life takes a drastic hit. I mean just look at it. The image does say 8 hours. But I don't remember the last day I've comfortably worked just that much hours. I don't think many people in Indian IT market have. There's is always more work to be completed and not enough work hours in the day to do them. So we take the work home, with friends, with family and everywhere else that we are supposed to be with anything but timelines and deliverables running through your head!

And all for what? For some promotions to a position in which you will have more responsibilities to shoulder and longer hours to put in. The work is not going to get any lesser, and you're not going to get any younger. Sure you will work your butt off each day, put in all of your skills and brains into what you are doing. And why shouldn't you. Most people like to be good at what they are doing. But the things that you are going to able to do now, when you are twenty-something, will not be available for you when you are a thirty-something with that couple of promotions under your belt and a family of yourself to feed.

What you can do now. You can only do now.

Today, I would like to do at least one of them.

Day 11 : Creatures Of Routine

There is this song I heard recently. I am not sure who shared it, or from where I got it. Do beware it is not all that great a song to write home about (or a blog about). A couple of lines from it did stick with me though.

Judge them not by their beliefs,

The creatures of routine are lost without their guide;

Be aware that underneath,

Lies a longing left forgotten under fear and pride.

Today I had a sudden urge to Google it up, hated most of the band pictures. Never liked punk. But still I liked the first verse of the song. Sounds pretty accurate don’t it.

We are all creatures of routine. We are all guided by the comfort that we feel in following the same stride we've had for ages now. We don’t really plan on changing anything anytime soon. Because we like the way things are now, it is good because it is familiar. Some things we are really not very happy about in our lives stay with us because we are afraid to break the chain of familiarity. If we decide to get rid of this thing, we will have to face with the burden of choice again.

And no one likes to be the one who takes the wrong choices.

The ways our lives are led are really ours to mould. We are the creators of our destiny; yes I read that in some newspaper commercial. But that doesn't make it any less true. We have the choice to build a wonderful life for ourselves and the only think stopping us is ourselves.

I don't imagine it is going to be any easy for anybody to just go up and rid their lives of everything wrong in it that has stayed on just because we are used to it. A vice that has become a daily habit is much tougher to get out of than some acquired as a passing phase. Ask the guys at the rehab centers if you don't agree.

We are all creatures of routine. Afraid of our own shadows just because it shows us just what we are. We are shapeless pointless things in the immense width of creation around us. Just a speck of dust in the grand scale of things. A shadow cannot decide what shape it would take. The way a light falls or the distance and many a bunch of other stuff decide things for it. Just as us.

We are all creatures with very less choice of what we get in life. The best we can hope to do is to build something worthwhile with what we have. That is really not going to happen if we are stuck in loop like a tape recorder, doing the same things again and again; and playing to the same music again and again.

Today, I would like to add some jazz and folk and Spanish guitar to my playlist.

Today, I would like to try something new.

Day 4 : Your Virtues

Today's work goes here : Your Virtues