Day 42 : You Are Your Own Best Friend

There always comes a time in a person's life when he comes to terms with what he/she really is. Sure there is a decent possibility that what you must be today would be a lot different than what you would end up to be tomorrow. We are all each day evolving and reacting to the things around us and happening to us. Our turmoil and joy never really stays the same year round and so neither does our personality.

If you were to look back at the person I was even last year and what I am now. You wouldn't really notice any stark differences. I'd still be the tall, big, loud guy who laughs at his own jokes. But once you get more than just skin deep, you will find a lot more things amiss. For instance, I abuse far too less now. People from my college used to have a wager on how long I could go on without abusing someone. I never lasted more than a couple of hours. But now my language has become so tame, I even use the respectful forms of all verbs in the sentences. I only abuse around a handful of people. The ones that I am really close to. Once you get a swear word out of my mouth; Dude, you're in the inner circle.

I am sure you'd find a lot many things in you as well that you feel has changed over time. And that is not essentially a bad thing. I guess changes are good. They keep you learning new things about yourself. You begin to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and also begin to gauge your thresholds when it comes to the many emotions your heart and mind is pounded with on a daily basis.

You see. One day, when the time is right. Your happiness and your sorrow will just come down to how much you have understood your own being. After all you are the only one who has the weapons to let yourself be hurt. And you are the only one who ever has had enough cause to keep you happy.

You will always have people around. People you love. People you hate. People you respect. People you look down upon. People you want to throw off the roof of Burj Khalifa. But in the end, none of them really matter do they?

You only live life with you yourself for company, and to hate. So why even try to understand anyone else thinks of you.

Today. Believe, trust, and love yourself. You deserve it.

Day 16 : Under Pressure

I know a lot many of us sometimes spend an obscene amount of time on self-contemplation and self-doubt. Half of the time when we go down this road we end up being more disheartened than we started with. Who wants to live forever in that maze of messed up psyche.

I suppose that should hold true for all of Bohemians. After all the things that we think of most is not of what we had done, but what we had not done. We put ourselves down so bad that we are incapable of thinking ourselves are able bodies to do anything. So we go in following the herd doing things halfheartedly and with the same mimic mentality that original herd-beings live by.

We are not cattle. We are the champions. We are not meant to just follow the lead. If it were so, I don't think would've ever found civilization to begin with. I think all our actions must define our personality. If something that we do feels out of character to us, it is probably because it really is and we'd be better by just getting rid of it. The best way to do that is by following one simple rule.

"Nothing you do matter, if you are not doing it for the right reasons!"

I know we do a bunch of things in our daily lives to keep the people in our lives happy. And to keep free from controversy and unwanted hassle. But do you think that actually helps anything? You'll never actually put yourself into it. You'll suck at it. You'll feel miserable about it. The person you're doing it for, gets a half-baked effort from you and is disappointed at you. You feel all the more miserable it. So in the end, what you get is your equation with someone is now much worse than what it was when you begin with. In the end everyone bites the dust going this road.

Don't get me wrong. Everything in life, everything, is about people. The 'somebody' you love. The people you like. The people you hate. The people you are jealous of. The people you think you are superior to. The people you look up to. The people whom you'd like to protect. The people who you'd like to strangle. Life is all about the people in it. And every aspect of your life revolves around what you do for and with these people.

In the end what really matters is, you yourself. You have to have the heart in the right place. You need to have to be able to do things, say things, feel things just the way you want to and at the pace you'd like to. Don't ever let anyone pressure you into something you're not ever comfortable with. Be free.

Today, I want to break free.

(Yes, today’s post is filled with a lot of Queen references!)

Day 10 : Be Patient

It is quite interesting to see the lengths to which we go to salvage a situation. You know at the core of your being that it is not going to work out. The time for any rescue is way past. There is no way in Dante's hell there is going to be happy ending to this story. But all the while, knowing all that, you still try every trick you can think of to sort it all out.

Most often than not, it doesn't.

You go ahead give it your best shot anyway, but then realize that your best is just not good enough anymore. Things that used to come so easily to you in the past are just not working anymore. The spark is gone; you've lost your mojo. Well maybe you did not lose it. Maybe it's time has passed. Everything comes with an expiry date.

Still being the optimist you always were. You give it an extra try. And you fail. You give it another go. And you fail. But when you try once more and still fail again. You should be already starting to see that something is off.

Some things are supposed to get screwed up over time. Some things you are supposed to suck at. And once you lose it, it does not always come back to you all peachy and happy happy during the climax. Life is not Notting Hill. And you are by no measure Hugh Grant.

You see, the world is a mess. Chaos rules all of creation. And in all of this chaos if you think this one thing is any different. Buddy, you're a fool. You've been played by your own faith in a person's capacity of friendship.

The best you can do in this scenario is to just let burning timbers lie. Let it flames burn through high and angry. Because in the end, all that would be left of it is a pile of grey ash. This would eventually be swept away by the winds of time.

Today, be patient.

Day 3 : Feel More

Here I am sitting in front of the computer watching a fairly decent Will Farrell movie about a tax auditor called ‘Stranger Than Fiction’.

My mind somehow wanders off during the tax auditing scene; I mean that must be such a boring job to do anyways. Why would anyone want to do anything that happens to have you bending over piles and piles of old bills and receipts, calculating every minuscule expenses of a total stranger to find any discrepancies. And anyhow why do these people spend so much money anyway. The money they spend all their life earning, is blown up on some stupid expensive jewel that has no-chance-in-hell see the light of day/ballroom at least twice in a year. Gold has become so expensive. Better to invest in them than in realty. The market is dangerously unstable for real estate. Especially in the cities. Cities have become so crowded these days. Hate boarding the local trains now during the rush hour. Plus the delays in the trains add to the passenger’s turmoil. Trains have all become quite infrequent now due to the rains and all.

After almost an hour of this mind boggling train of thought, my mind somehow comes back to the image on the screen. I see the end credits of the movie rolling. And I don’t even remembering watching the movie. I have no clue what it was about or what was this big mystery about the Farrell’s watch. My mind does that sometimes, especially during lectures. And I am not the only one apparently. Almost all the students in class that used to sit with me in the class were all clearly in some other planet within an half hour into the lecture. They were all dreaming. Lord only knows what, but anything must’ve been better than those absurdly long lectures in school. An hour in class during lectures seemed a month. A month in the class with friends seemed just a minute or less.

Our mind is strange like that. We start reading some textbook, before we know it we are day dreaming about some girl we saw in the mall two weeks ago. When we are talking to that chick, or mind wanders off to something/someone else all together. We are writing an essay on Edgar Poe. It starts out well but somehow ends up being about cows. Nobody can really control their minds. And don’t let any fool tell you otherwise. Our minds are meant to do that. It is its creative process. It’s part of our evolution. Suppose we didn’t have that quality somatic to our brains, imagine how different our evolution might have been. Probably we wouldn’t have been evolved much at all. We would have been still eating raw meat off of the animal it came from. Cold and in the dark. Cause probably fire wouldn’t have been discovered by our ancestors if they were just playing with stones, when they were playing with stones.

Human mind is really amazing. It thinks of so much, of such a wide array of things, even when it shouldn’t be doing any thinking at all. And there is no way you can program it. You cannot alter something that has taken thousands of years to evolve, to get where it is right now. You can limit the mind’s activity to some extent. Numbing it with alcohol maybe? But, I actually think that you cannot make the mind do anything. It does stuff on its own accord. 

There’s this scene ‘Inception’, which by the way is an awesome movie, Leo tells the rich guy not to think of elephants, and asks him what he is thinking of and the guy replies, elephants.

Mind by itself is a vast entity, and by building a fence around it you’d just be shelving its natural prowess. Your mind is immensely powerful, and its best food is your own thoughts. Your thoughts define your outlook towards the world, your mindset. You’ll never know a couple years later why you hated that guy in high school, but somehow you will still have a huge urge to throw something at him whenever you meet him. That usually has something to do with your thoughts about him when you guys were in school. You probably won’t remember what they were exactly now. But you will forever remember what those thoughts made you feel.

Nobody will forever remember how you look, how you spoke, how you smelled or what you did. But they will forever remember how you made them feel. And the feelings, they happen in one’s mind. Mind makes up thoughts and opinion for you about things based on these feelings.

I guess our mind really does have a mind of its own. We cannot reign it, but I suppose we really don’t want to either. It is such a beautiful thing on its own. I think I am going to think less, act more, and all that based on feeling things on the spur of the moment. Maybe our mind does know more than our brain.

Today, I shall feel more. Think less.