Day 2 : Everybody Needs Somebody

Remember the time when I started this additional blog to write something daily no matter what. lol. Anyways, like every absentee father who'd missed his son's birthday party, I promise I'll do better next time.

So what can we talk about tonight? Well, I am back into travelling big. Did a long trip last month. So that was good. Should write something about that soon. And yeah, my spare mobile phone was lot/stolen. Which was not too good. And, one of my friends is getting married. Again. And I mean that literally, one of my friends, somebody that I went to school with is getting into his second marriage right now. Frigging turds on sticks, who'd have thought that. I am at an age now where my friends have been already married, separated, divorced, and remarried. Damn. 

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for this person of course. No friend would wish for another to stick around in a loveless marriage. But heck, come on, why would you even get into one in the first place. Sure you got something good going on. Why overload it with the pressures of matrimony. I know I am not the best person to talk of being married. I might very well be talking about giving birth. Which also I don't know the first thing of. But I have been around people who have been married, and women who have had little human people come out of them. And this is something that both of them have said about the experience, not an easy thing. Both are messy,  loud, emotional and kind of miraculous. 

I mean, finding that one person you'll want to spend the rest of your life with is something of a miracle in itself. We live in age now when people are so desensitized to emotions that we go out of our way to not have to show even an iota of it to another living soul. We can talk about our feelings and vulnerability to total strangers over the internet, but when it comes to sharing with someone whom we run risk of having to talk the next day. We just avoid it. We don't like talking about ourselves. 

No that's not true, we love talking about ourselves a lot. That's pretty much what we do in Facebook and Instagram. But that's not really the real us, not our real life, that is just us faking it to show everyone else how great our lives are. If we were to really talk about us at all, it would be a sad and depressing and lonely. And nobody likes a whiner. Nobody should think of us like that. Whining is for losers, and we are winners. 

Oh, please. 

This friend I was talking of, the one who is remarried now, is a real big shot. Big family business and all that. He used to get dropped to school every day in his dad's long expensive car. Before long he started dating this girl we all had a crush on. Well, you'd think we all feel pretty good now that things have turned out lousy for him. To be honest, yeah. For a minute I think I'd felt something that could be best described as content at watching his life become miserable. 

Just for a few minutes, during the birthday party where he told us about his divorce. Then this big adult guy, started to cry. 

Hard liquor and sorrow and girl trouble are all bad combinations. The crying stuff made this whole debacle seem really unappetizing. 

It immediately sobered up everyone else at the table. We ended up shoving him off in a Uber and had the most silent final rounds in the history of drinks nights. Trust me I have been the sober person in all such nights. This was the most silent room I have been in with drunk guys. I could bet each of these guys was sitting around silently with their glasses in their hand thinking about the one that got away. Most of them have someone back at home. Some have been married or been with their partners for more than six years. But there is always that one person that got away. The emotional relationship that they have with that person would be the longest one they will ever have with anyone else in their lifetime. 

We are all vulnerable when it comes to matters of the heart. And we never share anything for fear of it being considered as a weakness. And being naked like that with someone is scary as hell. We would rather shut ourselves up with all our sorrows and hope it doesn't make us insane. And if not for anything else, just for not having to lock ourselves up in a loony bin. Everybody needs somebody.

Anyways, that guy is married again now. Is off honeymooning in Dubai, I think. Good for him. I might hate him. But I don't envy him his sorrows. Divorce and second marriage in your late 20's. Good luck, mate.

And to those of us who are yet to start on their first (and hopefully only) matrimonial adventure. There you go - even at its worst, this life ain't that bad really. 

Day 73 : To Be or Not To Be

I am at a very tricky position in life right now. Not entirely sure which way to choose. There are two paths in front of me. Both very good and both exciting. Both may even lead to a relatively awesome outcome. But one is giving it to be easy, while other may/may not be as easy. One is going to a scenic route to paradise; another is going to be a rather drab rocky route there. Both check off some or the other feature that I am looking for. Both are not a hundred percent, both are close. They both have their own virtues, both have their own poisons.

The main thing that scares is this one decision is going to decide the next dozen years of my life. And we are not that equipped to take that sort of decision. If it was your life, I'd have been the best advisor you can hope for. Objective, resourceful and creative. But now that I have a personal stake at the outcome of this one decision. This really does not seem that easy to do. Darn the pressure. I am thinking too much I suppose. I have in past just tossed a coin and decided on things. Left it to luck. But most of those decisions have been inconsequential of course. Their outcome does not show up on your obituary or on the headstone - "Here lies Prem, who chose to have chocolate ice-cream instead of vanilla on August 22, 2015."

I blame this on the internet. It has virtually rendered us handicapped by not letting us make decisions for ourselves. There is Yahoo Answers, Quora, Twitter, StackExchange, WikiHow and a dozen other sites where we post up a question to complete strangers and they bring out their suggestions and solution, however relevant, practical and crazy they may be. And honestly that is a scary world. Giving a complete stranger on the internet, like someone with a handle crzylegz918, the reins of your life is a little haunting. You cannot make crucial decisions on life based on what some guy says online, he could very well be some loner guy sitting on an ancient IBM in his mamma's basement.

We've all become too soft in the taking personal decisions field. We let things happen to us that take a stand and decide things for ourselves. It is a daunting challenge. A challenge at times everybody has to face in life. And hopefully you'd take the right one. Only time can tell...

Day 42 : You Are Your Own Best Friend

There always comes a time in a person's life when he comes to terms with what he/she really is. Sure there is a decent possibility that what you must be today would be a lot different than what you would end up to be tomorrow. We are all each day evolving and reacting to the things around us and happening to us. Our turmoil and joy never really stays the same year round and so neither does our personality.

If you were to look back at the person I was even last year and what I am now. You wouldn't really notice any stark differences. I'd still be the tall, big, loud guy who laughs at his own jokes. But once you get more than just skin deep, you will find a lot more things amiss. For instance, I abuse far too less now. People from my college used to have a wager on how long I could go on without abusing someone. I never lasted more than a couple of hours. But now my language has become so tame, I even use the respectful forms of all verbs in the sentences. I only abuse around a handful of people. The ones that I am really close to. Once you get a swear word out of my mouth; Dude, you're in the inner circle.

I am sure you'd find a lot many things in you as well that you feel has changed over time. And that is not essentially a bad thing. I guess changes are good. They keep you learning new things about yourself. You begin to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and also begin to gauge your thresholds when it comes to the many emotions your heart and mind is pounded with on a daily basis.

You see. One day, when the time is right. Your happiness and your sorrow will just come down to how much you have understood your own being. After all you are the only one who has the weapons to let yourself be hurt. And you are the only one who ever has had enough cause to keep you happy.

You will always have people around. People you love. People you hate. People you respect. People you look down upon. People you want to throw off the roof of Burj Khalifa. But in the end, none of them really matter do they?

You only live life with you yourself for company, and to hate. So why even try to understand anyone else thinks of you.

Today. Believe, trust, and love yourself. You deserve it.