Day 42 : You Are Your Own Best Friend

There always comes a time in a person's life when he comes to terms with what he/she really is. Sure there is a decent possibility that what you must be today would be a lot different than what you would end up to be tomorrow. We are all each day evolving and reacting to the things around us and happening to us. Our turmoil and joy never really stays the same year round and so neither does our personality.

If you were to look back at the person I was even last year and what I am now. You wouldn't really notice any stark differences. I'd still be the tall, big, loud guy who laughs at his own jokes. But once you get more than just skin deep, you will find a lot more things amiss. For instance, I abuse far too less now. People from my college used to have a wager on how long I could go on without abusing someone. I never lasted more than a couple of hours. But now my language has become so tame, I even use the respectful forms of all verbs in the sentences. I only abuse around a handful of people. The ones that I am really close to. Once you get a swear word out of my mouth; Dude, you're in the inner circle.

I am sure you'd find a lot many things in you as well that you feel has changed over time. And that is not essentially a bad thing. I guess changes are good. They keep you learning new things about yourself. You begin to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and also begin to gauge your thresholds when it comes to the many emotions your heart and mind is pounded with on a daily basis.

You see. One day, when the time is right. Your happiness and your sorrow will just come down to how much you have understood your own being. After all you are the only one who has the weapons to let yourself be hurt. And you are the only one who ever has had enough cause to keep you happy.

You will always have people around. People you love. People you hate. People you respect. People you look down upon. People you want to throw off the roof of Burj Khalifa. But in the end, none of them really matter do they?

You only live life with you yourself for company, and to hate. So why even try to understand anyone else thinks of you.

Today. Believe, trust, and love yourself. You deserve it.

Day 15 : War of the Words

I've been watching old episodes of Scrubs of late. It's really funny, in a lame dorky sort of way. But I like it.

And the JD inner-monologue thing is totally relatable. I think we all do that. Maybe it is just me; I hope that did make it seem like me saying I hear voices inside my head. I do not. Most of the time.

Anyhow. I sometimes have this inner monologue with myself, most of these happen when I am especially pissed off at somebody or did some extremely embarrassing. I play it around inside my head, cursing myself over it, or thinking up of smart things I could've said to bring in a strong comeback line.

Alas, always after the moment has been passed. Funny, how none of these wit and spunk actually was around when I was in between the argument itself. So many wars would've been tilted to your truly's favor.

We all seem so smart and intelligent inside our heads, with all of our personality and charm at its best. I wonder if it gets lost in its way from our brain to our mouth. I think there must to be some sort of directions/sign-posts all along the way, which out our wit just conveniently ignores and we end up paying the price by embarrassing ourselves.

I remember at least half a dozen incidents since my wee-lad age where I stood there stumped and looking like a buffoon. Only a couple of minutes after the moment had passed finally figuring out the one-liner that would have been the perfect come back.

Well today was one of those days when I actually did that. Even the liners that I cooked up inside my head after the squabble did not come close to the scar that my original one hit home with my opponent. And yes, no matter what you may think of it, I am proud of that. This sort of success doesn't come daily to Mr. Nice Guy.

Today, was fun.

Day 11 : Creatures Of Routine

There is this song I heard recently. I am not sure who shared it, or from where I got it. Do beware it is not all that great a song to write home about (or a blog about). A couple of lines from it did stick with me though.

Judge them not by their beliefs,

The creatures of routine are lost without their guide;

Be aware that underneath,

Lies a longing left forgotten under fear and pride.

Today I had a sudden urge to Google it up, hated most of the band pictures. Never liked punk. But still I liked the first verse of the song. Sounds pretty accurate don’t it.

We are all creatures of routine. We are all guided by the comfort that we feel in following the same stride we've had for ages now. We don’t really plan on changing anything anytime soon. Because we like the way things are now, it is good because it is familiar. Some things we are really not very happy about in our lives stay with us because we are afraid to break the chain of familiarity. If we decide to get rid of this thing, we will have to face with the burden of choice again.

And no one likes to be the one who takes the wrong choices.

The ways our lives are led are really ours to mould. We are the creators of our destiny; yes I read that in some newspaper commercial. But that doesn't make it any less true. We have the choice to build a wonderful life for ourselves and the only think stopping us is ourselves.

I don't imagine it is going to be any easy for anybody to just go up and rid their lives of everything wrong in it that has stayed on just because we are used to it. A vice that has become a daily habit is much tougher to get out of than some acquired as a passing phase. Ask the guys at the rehab centers if you don't agree.

We are all creatures of routine. Afraid of our own shadows just because it shows us just what we are. We are shapeless pointless things in the immense width of creation around us. Just a speck of dust in the grand scale of things. A shadow cannot decide what shape it would take. The way a light falls or the distance and many a bunch of other stuff decide things for it. Just as us.

We are all creatures with very less choice of what we get in life. The best we can hope to do is to build something worthwhile with what we have. That is really not going to happen if we are stuck in loop like a tape recorder, doing the same things again and again; and playing to the same music again and again.

Today, I would like to add some jazz and folk and Spanish guitar to my playlist.

Today, I would like to try something new.

Day 10 : Be Patient

It is quite interesting to see the lengths to which we go to salvage a situation. You know at the core of your being that it is not going to work out. The time for any rescue is way past. There is no way in Dante's hell there is going to be happy ending to this story. But all the while, knowing all that, you still try every trick you can think of to sort it all out.

Most often than not, it doesn't.

You go ahead give it your best shot anyway, but then realize that your best is just not good enough anymore. Things that used to come so easily to you in the past are just not working anymore. The spark is gone; you've lost your mojo. Well maybe you did not lose it. Maybe it's time has passed. Everything comes with an expiry date.

Still being the optimist you always were. You give it an extra try. And you fail. You give it another go. And you fail. But when you try once more and still fail again. You should be already starting to see that something is off.

Some things are supposed to get screwed up over time. Some things you are supposed to suck at. And once you lose it, it does not always come back to you all peachy and happy happy during the climax. Life is not Notting Hill. And you are by no measure Hugh Grant.

You see, the world is a mess. Chaos rules all of creation. And in all of this chaos if you think this one thing is any different. Buddy, you're a fool. You've been played by your own faith in a person's capacity of friendship.

The best you can do in this scenario is to just let burning timbers lie. Let it flames burn through high and angry. Because in the end, all that would be left of it is a pile of grey ash. This would eventually be swept away by the winds of time.

Today, be patient.

Day 6 : Cherish Them

Sometimes I wonder why things end up the way they do. 

Don’t get me wrong, this is not one of those sad mopey days. I am actually wondering now about the good things. How come they end up the way they do? If I count the things in my life right now which I think are amongst the good things that has ever happened to me over the years. Not even a handful of them are things that came about to existence by my wits or brawn. They were/are things that are completely out of my control, things that could have went any which way, for any number of reasons.

But still they did not. And I today have these little gems with me to call my own. 

I wonder. When the good things that happen to us, seem to happen in such unruly unpredictable manner; can't we say the same about our misfortunes? I mean, yes, we all think about the ills of the past and imagine "if only.." "What if?" "Why me?". Like it all happened because of us, because of some action we took, or didn’t take.

We are to blame!

Are we?

Sure the riches you earn requires you put in your effort and use your skills. The love you acquire needs a decent amount of emotional investment from your side and whole lot of patience. But in the end, couldn't these things have gone the other way just as easily given the wrong situations or sheer trickery of luck?

I think I am lucky to have a great many such things in life. I am grateful for them. And thus I fear and respect them. These good things could be snatched away from me just as easily as were bestowed upon me.

Today, I shall cherish them.