Day 28 : The Awkward Dodge

I am the master of all beginnings.

Getting things started comes easy to me and I excel at facilitating getting more people kicked off at things. But when it comes to having closure on any of them I am a slave to bad timing and sheer procrastination. Nobody likes confrontations or awkward situations. I am no different. I avoid them like the plague. Actually there are times in my life when I have simply swerved away from people for years just to avoid an face-off. Most of the times I have been so successful for so long that I don't even remember why I am avoiding these people. It has become so much of a habit now I still avoid being a hundred meter radius around them like a coward's restraining order.

The reason this has turned out to be a big deal today is cause I am going this thing next weekend. And there is a chance that this person might be dropping by. I remember something weird happening between us. But no matter from what angle I look at it, I still cannot figure out what that thing was. We have no actual history together nor do we have a lot of mutual friends. Well there is one. She used date friend of mine. Who dumped her to get married to another (hotter) girl. Good times.

Um. Is that it? Am I avoiding this girl because one of my friends dumped her to do the dirty (legally) with somebody else? Nah I don't really think that's it. I have been around extended exes a bunch of times. That has never bothered me so far. Most of the time I do enjoy their company. We usually join forces and blast on our mutual acquaintance. More to his/her discomfort. Guys love doing that too, girls.

Anyway. This has been bothering me enough to make a whole post in here about. So clearly there is some merit to it. Until I figure this thing out, I think I am just going to leave this note here to everyone reading -
"If something ill happens to me during the next few weeks. Please let the world know, another innocent humble God-awesome sick-as-Shaft soul bites the dust to the fabled awkward-ian standoff. And do NOT tell me what happens in the latest episode of Game of Thrones. I swear I will freaking HAUNT you from my grave."

Day 66 : Eggs In The Basket

I think it was Warren Buffet, who said, 

'Do not put your eggs in many baskets.

Keep all your eggs in one basket, but watch that basket closely.'

I do get what he was talking about now. 

Why you ask? Well let’s just say that I've been graced with an array of a few very exciting eggs for the past couple of months. Few very interesting prospects indeed. Things were looking to get all the more interesting very soon as well. But of late, mostly this month, I've been witnessing them eggs go to rot one by one. Not a pretty sight as you could obviously guess. And not a single thing I can do about it either. 

Don't fret now, this not going to be a depressing post with my whining about stuff. I am not one to spill my shit in the open. At least not on this blog, I have another blog for my thinly veiled autobiographical fiction.

Anyways, back to the eggs. There are a few things in there, I think now, that I could've handled better and sooner. But most of these things were as then kept on a slow flame cooking away, so I'd obviously thought to give it sometime, let it all stew for a while. Thought everything will play out just fine in the end. A very amateur move indeed. When has anything ever come anybody's way by just waiting for it? Woody Allen famously said - 'Eighty percent of success is just showing up.' Well damn, there wasn't even much of a chance of showing up in here. If at all there was, nobody clued me in anything about the location.

My point in all of this is - Mr. Buffet was right. 

You see, when there are a lot of things going around with you. You end up juggling all of them simultaneously and inevitably raising the chances of them fouling up on you pretty soon. One by one all of your chances have gone kaput. When so many things are going on, there is really not much chance for you to concentrate on one specific thing. And you end up giving a lot of the stuff up to chance and luck. These little thing that you over look or just plain think as inconsequential, are the things that come up out of the blue and bite you in the ass. Luck is never a harbinger of success. Luck is just a friend that comes by to meet you once in a blue moon, only to find that he's got the wrong address and gets cozy with the lady staying at the wrong door he knocks. Luck never gets to you when you need it, even when it does come to you a lot if it is plain cross connection.

And how often does that really happen?

Getting your hopes in a bunch of different things will only get you day dreaming a lot more. Start avoiding putting in the extra effort you usually does. Even start being smug with the people around you. I guess it is much practical to hope for one thing at a time, and prime up all your efforts for just that one thing.

This way you are giving this one thing your all, you have the most to say about what the outcome is, you are in CONTROL.

This will also mean that when things get sour, you have nobody else to blame but your damn self. Nobody likes to own up to any of the blame, and just to avoid that there is a good chance that you will start working extra hard for the thing that you desire. You are in CONTROL.

These things have a lot to do with our own sense of purpose I suppose. We cannot just waltz through life thinking that good things would just be dropped into our laps. Wish it were that easy. Some blows in life will take you by surprise; some will take your breath away. But every single blow thrown at you will make you wary of the next. You will be aware if life tries to sucker punch the same way again. And if you let it happen again, you can't really blame anyone for it. You've taken it before, and still were no wiser for it the next time. It is wholly your fault.

I suppose we all could be more unidirectional with our progress through life. You cannot go to sleep wishing to be an astronaut one day and dream of being a musician the next. Things have to happen gradually and over a long strenuous period of time. And all through that long duration, you have to bust you ass working on whatever it is you desire. That ONE thing you desire.

Get all of the eggs that you want for yourself. Club them into this one big dream basket.

Work. Your. Ass. Off.

Make sure that basket doesn’t come down torn on top of you, with egg yolk and egg shells all over your head, and you looking like a darn fool.

Day 33 - To All The Pricks Of The Planet

I've always seen happiness as the thing that is supposed to enrich our standard of living. When we are cheerful it rubs off on the people around us. We treat them with more warmth and compassion, we have more affection to go around and we always have a kind word for everyone one. Our world is one big happy family.

Then there are those have a different world around them. My assumption is these are the ones who have this inane desire to be a jerk. The ones who are simply not having a happy life or are so not content with their own lives they take it upon themselves to spread the gloom around them. They not only whine about how they have it bad in every which way, but also are in a constant state of crap-mouth. They will put you down, treat you like dirt, and take every opportunity to point out your faults.

They think that by doing this they accomplish something. While honestly it kind of is the exact opposite of that. By doing all this they are just alienating the people around them. People are one of the basic ingredients for happiness. Shoveling themselves into a corner hole, from which there is no coming out just more depth of wallowing, they are just ensuring they never ever find happiness in their life at all.

I wish sometimes I could take these people by the shoulders and give them big a mighty shake. Dude, chill! You're going stroke yourself into an early grave if you keep going down this road. Be a little more gentle with the people around you. Sure you're not obligated to, but you surely are expected to be human once in a while. You are still human, aren’t you?

Being a crude, brash person is alright; I am one. But being a crude, brash person; with the sole intention to harm someone is not really a good thing. You are just showing the world how diminutive you hold your own self worth by having to pull down other people to your level to feel good about yourself.

Help people up, it will only heighten your place in the world. Putting people down, will only lead to gradually dragging yourself down.

Be good, my friend. As overrated as it seems, goodness does have its advantages. If nothing, there is an instant feeling of cheerful accomplishment in it. That’s not it. Well I wouldn't know how to exactly describe it, hope you try it some time and experience it for yourself.

As for others..

Today, have some sympathy and understanding for the pricks of the planet. They need help.

Day 18 - 25 : Old Friend's Wedding

Ah. Where shall I begin?!

This past week was so freaking amazing. Visited Gujarat after ages. And darn was it AWESOME!

Nothing compares to the feeling of belonging when you are with old friends. It's almost like coming home. The same old familiar jokes, same old familiar stories, and the usual banter and pushes and shoves. And if these friends happen to be of your college times, you can be guaranteed that things are going to be all the more eventful.

I remember one of my uncles’ say how the best times he had ever had and the best friends he had ever made were of when in college. Back then I was in high school and I sniggered at him thinking how I'd had the best gang of mates while in school and nothing would beat roaming around town with them in a borrowed cycle.

The wedding I was to attend was of a pair that had met in college and have been together ever since. So this wedding also was a special one. More of the old faces were compelled to make an appearance like me. The more the merrier.

When I looked around the dinner table when all of us were seated. I could see how we all were now in a very different place in our lives than how we were in college. A few of us married for a while now, a couple just newly married, no children as of now; but then that could change anytime as well. A few new marriages in the pipeline, by the year's end exactly half of my original group would be married. And why shouldn't it be so, after all it is nearly five years since we left college.

Damn. That’s a long time.

But I still feel overtly nostalgic about those times. We all do. We still recall the midnight card games, junk food, assignment completions. We all go gushy over the times when one of us got the kick by a girl, or when one of us actually got to go out with one. We all laugh of the times when we goofed off in class and pulled pranks on each other.

Damn. There are so many things.

But I still think not a lot has changed about any of us. Maybe we're all the same as we always were. Sure we've got fat, slim, rich, poorer, stingy, whatever. But we are still the same with each other as we were. We still torment each other with the same lame topics as we did earlier. And we still like and hate the same things about each other. I guess that's what friendship's all about. Being the same, always.

Today, I plan to spend a lot of time revisiting the old college picture's folder.

Day 16 : Under Pressure

I know a lot many of us sometimes spend an obscene amount of time on self-contemplation and self-doubt. Half of the time when we go down this road we end up being more disheartened than we started with. Who wants to live forever in that maze of messed up psyche.

I suppose that should hold true for all of Bohemians. After all the things that we think of most is not of what we had done, but what we had not done. We put ourselves down so bad that we are incapable of thinking ourselves are able bodies to do anything. So we go in following the herd doing things halfheartedly and with the same mimic mentality that original herd-beings live by.

We are not cattle. We are the champions. We are not meant to just follow the lead. If it were so, I don't think would've ever found civilization to begin with. I think all our actions must define our personality. If something that we do feels out of character to us, it is probably because it really is and we'd be better by just getting rid of it. The best way to do that is by following one simple rule.

"Nothing you do matter, if you are not doing it for the right reasons!"

I know we do a bunch of things in our daily lives to keep the people in our lives happy. And to keep free from controversy and unwanted hassle. But do you think that actually helps anything? You'll never actually put yourself into it. You'll suck at it. You'll feel miserable about it. The person you're doing it for, gets a half-baked effort from you and is disappointed at you. You feel all the more miserable it. So in the end, what you get is your equation with someone is now much worse than what it was when you begin with. In the end everyone bites the dust going this road.

Don't get me wrong. Everything in life, everything, is about people. The 'somebody' you love. The people you like. The people you hate. The people you are jealous of. The people you think you are superior to. The people you look up to. The people whom you'd like to protect. The people who you'd like to strangle. Life is all about the people in it. And every aspect of your life revolves around what you do for and with these people.

In the end what really matters is, you yourself. You have to have the heart in the right place. You need to have to be able to do things, say things, feel things just the way you want to and at the pace you'd like to. Don't ever let anyone pressure you into something you're not ever comfortable with. Be free.

Today, I want to break free.

(Yes, today’s post is filled with a lot of Queen references!)

Day 14 : The Paper Presentation

I knew this girl when I was in Chennai. She worked in her parent’s tea shop near the neighborhood where I stayed. It was during the first weeks of my moving there so this establishment was the only one familiar to us and we used to frequent it each night post dinner - me for hot cup of masala tea, others to puff their post-supper cancer-sticks.

The store was run by a Telugu family. I hadn't heard the language a lot before coming to Chennai so had to use a mix of Tamil and body language to get them to understand what we wanted, they didn't speak much of Tamil either. But since this had become more of a routine for me, and I had ended up becoming their regular customer and was was beginning to get a hang of their language and these people itself.

The girl I mentioned earlier was in her early teens, fifteen I'd guess. But she looked and behaved like someone who was much older. She had the grace and confidence of someone who knew exactly what's on her mind and how to express it. And was never embarrassed that she didn't know the language she was trying to communicate it. I thought accomplishing all that was a big feat, as most of the southies I meant in my time here were really shy when it came to communicating. She was in some distance professional education I don't remember which. And by the looks of it, she was pretty serious about it.

One night out of the blue, her father came up to me while having tea. He looked like he wanted to speak to me, but was unsure of how. So he simply handed over a pamphlet to me he was carrying for me. There was "Paper Presentation" written in bold italics at the top. It was an advert for an inter-collegiate technical paper presentation competition in a local Chennai university. Apparently he thought his daughter wished to enroll in it. So I took it from him and went over to his daughter who as usual was seated at the cash counter.

She took once glance at pamphlet, and the look on her face said clearly how sad the sight of it made her. "I no go, no money for printout", her reply was barely a mumble.

Then I somehow asked her about the topic that she was thinking of presenting. It was about some sort of cleansing process that reprocesses domestic household waste water for agricultural use. She had already prepared clippings from her textbooks and some Xerox pages from library books. It was almost all done really, just needed to get it all put together on a document. It was a Friday anyway and it was only a little past 8 at night and I didn't have anything else going for me. So I thought, what the hell. Let's do this.

I got her to carry her pen-drive and materials to a nearby internet cafe. I asked her to sit with me and recite the whole paper. Within a couple of hours the whole thing was done. It was not more than 25 pages really. Not too much of a worry.

I got it printed, spiral-bound and gave it to her and sent her on her way saying I had some of my stuff to do online. A few minutes after she had left, I got up and went over to the counter, the guy just asked for Rs.213, which is less than what I'd spend on a McChicken burger. But somehow this felt a lot more satisfying.

She didn't win the presentation, yes. But she'd win one on her third try, which was just a couple of month later. She learnt fast.

Today, I added her on Facebook. We chatted for a little while. She has completed her course and is now working in a university in south Tamil Nadu as a research lab assistant. Her English has gotten much better. She even used a word that was new to me - abeyance. Normally that would make me kick myself. But today I sort of felt pretty proud of her. Good going, kid!

Day 12 : Workaholic

I am not sure if you, who are reading this, are already in my daily good-morning mailer list or not. If you are you might've already seen the above picture in my today's mail, and if not I'd really like it if you’d send me you personal id so that I can add you to my list! :)

Anyhoo. The reason that this picture got to be here is that A: I was feeling too lazy today to think up something interesting to write about; B: Damn, this one does feel so true!

Every person I see these days, no matter what sort of job they are doing are workaholics or are slowly and surely on their path to become one. Everyone is in a hurry be the big dog of the park that we all are too invested in our professional lives than the life that we have outside of it.

Our personal life takes a drastic hit. I mean just look at it. The image does say 8 hours. But I don't remember the last day I've comfortably worked just that much hours. I don't think many people in Indian IT market have. There's is always more work to be completed and not enough work hours in the day to do them. So we take the work home, with friends, with family and everywhere else that we are supposed to be with anything but timelines and deliverables running through your head!

And all for what? For some promotions to a position in which you will have more responsibilities to shoulder and longer hours to put in. The work is not going to get any lesser, and you're not going to get any younger. Sure you will work your butt off each day, put in all of your skills and brains into what you are doing. And why shouldn't you. Most people like to be good at what they are doing. But the things that you are going to able to do now, when you are twenty-something, will not be available for you when you are a thirty-something with that couple of promotions under your belt and a family of yourself to feed.

What you can do now. You can only do now.

Today, I would like to do at least one of them.