You knew your mother wasn't kidding when she told you that you could be anything in the whole wide world, if only put some heart into it. You and a very few other extraordinary people took this advice to heart, and chose to be a prick.
I realize it is the in-thing to be the most sarcastic, mean mouthed person you can be. The more people you are able to put down any given day is going to sway your position in the food chain of popularity in your squad. You were always preparing for a life of pure asshatery. You were way ahead of your time. While us normal beings were watching The Breakfast Club and rooting for the students. You Sir, were watching it to study the quintessential authoritative asshole in the form of Paul Gleason. But you Sir, used it as your bible for the rest of your life.
It must have been a very difficult to invest so much time and effort into coming up with new and innovative ways to be a make somebody's life a living hell. I am sure there must have been at least some advanced level of planning involved in it. Some of y'all do make it seem a whole lot simpler than it is. Kudos to you for that. And for others who actually have had to strive to be the evil mastermind they are today, know this, your hard work is very much appreciated. Everyone can have an asshole, but you kind Sir, took every step conceivable to become one completely.
Something must have gone amazingly right in your life for you to be genius that you are now. Some might say that you were mostly probably dropped on your head when you were a child. But nah, I know better. You just spent hours and hours in your basement alone, bundled in your many stale clothes for weeks with nobody to talk to as a child. Nobody else could handle your level of extraordinary people skills. And you put all that lone time to good use. You became the best lone prick the world would ever see. You honed your specific set of skills for the betterment of the world around you and be the kind of role model that the kids these days need. They will need to learn so much from you. You are the one thing that stands between the world and total annihilation of sarcastic douchebaggery.
If there aren't many around you who say thank you for your service. Let me do that now, thank you Sir. Thank you for all the wonderful sacrifices you have made for making another human being cry herself into sleep. You must be so proud of yourself. I am sure your parents are too. They must boast to all of their friends and neighbors about the big person their loving child has become. If only they knew your number or where you live, I'm sure they would have said this to you themselves. After all its only been a year since you gave them a visit. Another sacrifice I am sure pains you deeply.
Thank you for being the dick that you are Sir.
You make the world the shitty place it is. Take a bow.
I realize it is the in-thing to be the most sarcastic, mean mouthed person you can be. The more people you are able to put down any given day is going to sway your position in the food chain of popularity in your squad. You were always preparing for a life of pure asshatery. You were way ahead of your time. While us normal beings were watching The Breakfast Club and rooting for the students. You Sir, were watching it to study the quintessential authoritative asshole in the form of Paul Gleason. But you Sir, used it as your bible for the rest of your life.
It must have been a very difficult to invest so much time and effort into coming up with new and innovative ways to be a make somebody's life a living hell. I am sure there must have been at least some advanced level of planning involved in it. Some of y'all do make it seem a whole lot simpler than it is. Kudos to you for that. And for others who actually have had to strive to be the evil mastermind they are today, know this, your hard work is very much appreciated. Everyone can have an asshole, but you kind Sir, took every step conceivable to become one completely.
Something must have gone amazingly right in your life for you to be genius that you are now. Some might say that you were mostly probably dropped on your head when you were a child. But nah, I know better. You just spent hours and hours in your basement alone, bundled in your many stale clothes for weeks with nobody to talk to as a child. Nobody else could handle your level of extraordinary people skills. And you put all that lone time to good use. You became the best lone prick the world would ever see. You honed your specific set of skills for the betterment of the world around you and be the kind of role model that the kids these days need. They will need to learn so much from you. You are the one thing that stands between the world and total annihilation of sarcastic douchebaggery.
If there aren't many around you who say thank you for your service. Let me do that now, thank you Sir. Thank you for all the wonderful sacrifices you have made for making another human being cry herself into sleep. You must be so proud of yourself. I am sure your parents are too. They must boast to all of their friends and neighbors about the big person their loving child has become. If only they knew your number or where you live, I'm sure they would have said this to you themselves. After all its only been a year since you gave them a visit. Another sacrifice I am sure pains you deeply.
Thank you for being the dick that you are Sir.
You make the world the shitty place it is. Take a bow.
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