Day 22 : Confoundists

con·found (kənˈfound/ verb) 
cause surprise or confusion in (someone), especially by acting against their expectations.

Life is an immensely complicated and deceptive beast. Every single moment that you'd hoped would turn out good, life eventually turns it into something entirely different. No amount of preparation and virtuous effort form your side even made a dent on the trajectory that life has assumed for itself. It will be as it will be, and you don't have any say on it.

I have been expecting this for so long now that I have actually noticed that nothing actually surprises me anymore. Nothing actually fazes me or rattles my stride. I have begun to unconsciously always expect a surprise around the corner that would flush all of my efforts down the drain and make me to start all over again. Square one isn't actually where I am sent back to, it usually is where I am usually. And I have made such a comfy nest down here, square one is really not half bad.

You see, I have seen people dream about the places they hope to be, the goals they hope to achieve or the things they wish to hold in their own hands. People seeing themselves in a better place in life than where they are right now. And for me, right here and right now, is reality. Real world is where all my troubles prizes are, here is where I should be too.

When people compare themselves with other who seem to have it better than themselves. I sort of compare myself with people with much unfortunate circumstances than myself. There is always that one day in life that you were down and disheartened. Deeply sad about the way things were. If your today is even a tiny bit better than that day. Dude, you're thriving. Being successful in life does not always mean having the best of everything and being famous and rich and prosperous. Sometimes it just mean being able to find content and joy and essential wonder in the life that you live than be bogged down with the regret of not having the life that you hope to live.

Life will keep on throwing curve balls at you. You will always be expected to find new ways to deflect them. And you need to be swift at it too, cause before you know it life would have already launched another covert attack into your happy place.

Always expect surprises. Always know in your very being that things will not go as you think it will. Always be prepared for any darn outcome in life. Prepare yourself. The surprises that life throws at you are not meant to confound you and confuse you into submission. They are to empower to succeed.

If something happens that you were never really prepared for - fall down, lift yourself up, and get back at it. Give it another try. If not the second or third or even the tenth, somewhere down the line you will succeed.

And succeed you will. For you are not rattled anymore, you are a Confoundist.

Day 58 : Optimistic Nihilist

Do you ever notice that you always keep changing your mind about things way too much? I always do that. I start out actually having a strong opinion about something and by the week's end I will be having radically opposite notion about the very same thing. I cannot really come to be of a strong conviction any one thing really, especially when it is something of the future. 

Do I want to write? Do want to keep doing the work I am currently doing? Do I want to quit and go do college again? If I do, do I want to learn something creative? Or do I just go ahead get a master in the field I am already into? Or do I just quit and go to the Himalayas in search of enlightenment?

I get so confused with these decisions, what do I really want to do with my life? I guess nobody really has an answer to it. But still isn't that the big question, what the heck are we doing with ourselves? Is this all there is to it? Is this what we are all meant to do? There are people out there who do amazing things with their life, right? The magazines are filled with pictures of their accomplishments and great feats. Isn't that what is to be our aim as well? Go out do big things and get our faces pasted on the cover of Time magazine. Isn't that THE dream? To be somebody.

But then I had a really good look at all the "somebody’s that I know/heard of. The famous artists, musicians, actors, intelligent people, thought leaders, party leaders, mass murderers. A big chunk of them became "somebody’s only after they were dead and done. Sure most of them knew a bit of fame when they were alive but a lot of them only came about to be the legends they are today only at retrospect. I respect those somebody’s. The ones that are revered and remembered. Ones that will be remembered even twenty years after they are dead and decomposed.

In today's day and age, there are a lot of famous people doing the rounds. It has become rather easy to become famous these days. All you have to do is have a reality show, have a big butt, or just post picture of a dress on Instagram with questionable color hues. People get famous all the time. And then people also get forgotten all the time. I can guarantee you, for example, thirty years from now you will remember Jennifer Lawrence for her scene outside the theatre in Silver Linings.. More than for her nude pictures that got leaked over the internet a few months ago. Because that is somebody who deserves the fame. She has got the skills. (And the fact that she is irresistibly adorable)

I don't suppose that we are all that memorable. I don't have high hopes that a lot many of us will be remembered more than those coming in the next generation, and only a handful at that if at all. But I do think that if we really got into it at all we are all capable of doing something worth remembering by. I am an optimistic nihilist. While I agree there is no point to any of it, we are all just dead people who just don't know it yet. I also believe that we can also create something  worthwhile and enjoy the time we have on this planet. The whole idea of morals and right and wrong is trivial but gratification for ones desires or hunger or lack thereof, should be our goal.

Today, create something out of love, just for your own sake.

Day 57 : Stop Copying

Have you noticed that these days people do not really converse to each other as much as they used to. I remember when I was a kid, where I used to hang out with a couple of older kids. They lived in another apartment building but ours shared a playground with theirs so we would bump into each other often. Mostly near the water tank after playing a game of cricket or football (I was no good at either of them). We used to sit there the rest of the evening with our back to the cool concrete of the tank and talk.

These kids were complete dorks, I realize now. But back then they I thought them to be really cool, they would talk with me about terrorist beheading and animal mutilation and such; things that the adults would never talk about around me. Do remember, I was in sixth grade back then, though I did look much bigger for my age. I felt smart around them too. They used to include me in their conversation. They played video games, were big fans of Contra and Mario. I'd only get to play the game rarely when I was a kid, I've never had a gaming console all childhood, my father disliked anything remotely addicting. But I did get to play ones with them.

We used to play those WWE Superstar Trading cards. You know, my Mark Henry's biceps beats your Triple H's. We used to play cards, abuse each other, talk cartoons and terrorists, drink cola, abuse each other some more, go home dirty head to toe smelling like piss and mud, but happy through and through.

Now, I do not know where those two kids are. And honestly I do not even remember their last names. But I do remember their faces, and the amiable smiles even they know what this kid three grades below them was talking about something completely lame. You see back when we were kids, we were all stupid, we knew we were stupid to some level, but we never made it a thing to point to other's stupidity and make it like it some big accomplishment if were able to make someone feel dumb. We didn't feel threatened by intelligence, we didn't belittle smart people. We were in awe of them. We inspired to be them. We were kinder back then. We were as we were, natural, unadulterated, and pure. We did not imitate. We hadn't yet learned how to.

Today we are so exposed to external characters and their tailor-made monologues that we can choose to portray any persona by just repeating the dialogues of any of the characters we come across. Want to be sarcastic? Copy Chandler Bing. Want to be snarky smart ass? Copy Sherlock. Want to be the seductive female? Copy that lead in Femme Fatale. Want be the big bad man of the group? Copy Tony Soprano. Want to be the adorable nerd? Copy Leonard Hofstadter. Want to be the bad-ass nerd? Copy Walter White.

There is already a template available for all sorts of people out there. I guess that is why whenever you drift off from someone, you always have a ready excuse for it. 'We never really connected completely.' Well, of course you didn't. You were not being yourself, neither was that person. We are all busy trying to behave like some ideal character that half a dozen spent a decade developing, and earned millions off of it, that we think that we can just copy the same and get cool and liked just by its merit. It doesn't work that way.

People like (or liked) other people, by connecting with that people on a closer, more personal level. By trying to be cooler, and fake, you are hiding your true self. You will never act foolish or be vulnerable around someone if you are hiding yourself away behind an image of someone else. Nobody is perfect, and for me at least, that just works fine. I don't want perfect. Perfect reeks of fake.

Today, stop copying.