Day 61 : Mister Right and Miss Cool Girl

I’d just gotten off the phone with a serious headache and resonating 'eeeeee' noise in my ears. Well, you try get off an hour long call with a hyperactive girl trying to explain how frigging awesome her new boyfriend is. Let me save you the hassle, it is torture. Especially, if you've been having a nascent crush on this girl for some time. Why don't I do anything you ask? Well she's an old school mate, and one of my best friends in school dated her for a while. And you do not mess with the Bro-Code. But damn man, how was I to know she’d grow up to be such a hottie. Shame.

Anyways, now after a round of some aspirin-like pill and a drink of cold water, here I am sitting in front of my machine trying to work. And there is this one thing about our conversation that keeps coming back to me. Every other sentence she'd say 'and you know what just feels so RIGHT about him...' then she'd proceed to tell me just what mind-numbingly cheesy thing this dork did to get her to make out with him. (No! Of course I am not jealous at all. I promise.)

She is one of those girls who thinks that the guy who quits a bunch of his favorite things just to please her. Or does cute things for her, even if he doesn't realize he is. Is the one for her. Let me just tell one thing to all the women out there, we completely realize what we are doing! Do you think any one of us dumbasses is capable of being Mr. Right just by divine fate? Hell no! A lot of meticulous planning and a history of messed-up experience/research goes into creating your version of Mr. Right. So if you think you have found your Mr. Right, who simply just seems to get you, take my word for it this guy, this wonderful guy, has had a lot of practice being a dick with other girls till he got around to priming his game to as you know it now.

We men are not perfect, not even by a long shot. We are dirty, stinky, lazy dumbasses who like doing dumb shit just 'cause. We hate doing those girly things that you love so much. And we definitely hate that cute flowery bed sheet you bought into our bedrooms last month! We do not enjoy haircuts; we get them because growing greasy dreadlocks with occasional Cheetos in it is frowned upon at work. I mean, we would all be sitting there on our couches in the same set of clothes (or not at all) and watch TV all day if society didn't make it a mandate to pay for stuff. If men had their way the world would be a much shabbier (albeit awesome) place than it is now.

And don't get me wrong, you women are no walk in the park either. Hypocrites. You will walk about in high heels, spend like a thousand bucks on cosmetics a week and then turn around and say how misogynous today’s society is. I mean, come on, you are the one who is portraying yourself as the prepped up doll each week to score points with the leering crowd. I am hell sure that you don't buy those thongs and them underwire bras just cause of the heavenly comfort of them. I know society's dealt you with a shitty hand, but with all these fake stuff all over you are only playing right into their trap. Heck, even mother nature seems to have given you enough of bother with all that childbirth and PMS and whatnots.

You women are not perfect. You are complex, too needy, too kind, too generous, too naive, too sick, too angry, too mellow, too silent, too bold, and too shy. And that is just during the first half of your day. By the end of your lunch break you turn into something different altogether. And people around you have to start from scratch again to try making sense of any of it.

Men will never understand women. And women are forever destined to crave for a guy who just 'gets them'. Both are forever destined for disappointment.

We are all programmed by the media, and the books, and the songs about the kind of people we need to look for as suitable mates. Or the kind of things our spouses have to do to earn any of our affection. I am one of those people who just think all that is BULLSHIT!

There is no one method to find somebody that you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. Nor is there any one specific test that this person has to pass to make it into your good graces. Love has to just happen, I suppose. Affection does not come out of a do-it-yourself box. You cannot do this, this, and this, and the - 'Voila! The girl is in love with you'.

There is no Mister Right and there is no Miss Cool Girl. Get over that dream, ladies and beeps.

None of us is perfect. We are all just bunch of ugly, complex, pieces of messed up baggage walking around in search for some companionship. The best we can do is find somebody with whom we can be completely honest, and pray to Lord Almighty that this person doesn't turn chicken out of the blue and get his scared ass out of there before you can say 'noodle soup'.