Day 78 : Ave Maria

I would never have realized the strength of resolve,
if not for that one man toiling in the sun's heat smashing rocks for his day's pennies.

I would never have realized the strength of kindred,
if not for his brother men who merrily shared each other's burden of rocks each day.

I would never have realized the strength of love,
if not for his wife who cleans and scrubs a dozen homes a day to earn some extra bread for her cubs.

I would never have realized the strength of grace,
if not for the crippled boy who drags his lame leg to school everyday with an erect poise.

I would never have realized the strength of kindness,
if not for the able bodied kids who would slow their gait to walk beside their crippled friend.

I would never have realized the strength of inspiration,
if not for the poorest of those kids who'd make up stories of grand scale to keep their discouraged minds distracted on those cold glum nights.

I would never have realized the strength of hope,
if not for the father of the poorest of kids who'd keep on working each day on the rocks, dreaming of his children living in one of those bright homes that reach for the twinkling stars.

~ ~ ~

Happy new year, everyone. Stay blessed!

Day 78 : Between the World and Me - Book Review

Almost done with this book now. This is a new writer to me, and I don't really jump for new writers that often. The only reason I know of his existence even is from his appearance on Daily Show. (P.S. Jon Stewart, you're missed!). On this episode, the current host of Trevor Noah and Coates were discussing the mass incarceration situation and the sort of new-age slavery this thing is turning out to be. I had just come from seeing the Vice documentary on the same topic. So I thought this guy seems to know a lot about this topic, why don't I pick up this book he's spouting on the show about. Bad idea.

Don't get me wrong, this guy seems to be a well-respected knowledgeable person of the things he is talking about. But the book was so tough to complete. That is not necessarily due to uncomfortable topic of racial discrimination it is talking about. The difficulty is more to do with the writing itself. This topic provides so much material and there are so many ways the writer can choose to present it to the reader. But Coates just seems to go on and in an angry rant about color and of the people who think they are "white". He fashions it as a long letter to his fifteen-year-old son to educate him about the atrocities his community still faces in this day and age. And how everyone not them, is out to murder their "black body".

I am from India. We don't have this variety of discrimination in our country. There are way too many shades of colored people here to keep track of whom to hate on. We just make do with typical the class or religious or sexual discrimination that is common to most cultures. I also won't say people here don't hold prejudice against any dark skinned people. But I think that is just an extension of the class discrimination we have. Here the dark skin indicates you are a member of the poorer peasant-class of people and the lighter skinned people are superior/wealthier to you. (People who think that are essentially orthodox and stupid though. Yeah tradition, bitch!)

In reality there are moments in this book were Coates himself comes as a bit of a racist. He clearly has enough reason to hold a grudge against a lot people. He says much about a young man he knew personally that got shot down by a cop. Also a bit about the way he gets stopped without just cause by a cop while he was en-route to meet his girlfriend. All this anger does have its justifications. There are always catalysts to initiate this sort of  white rage in any person. But such carpet hatred and anger towards one specific group, is exactly what you are going through as well. Why would you want others to go through the same thing as well? I am sure a few people from Big Six would agree to this. While I concede, I might not have seen or experienced this sort of life. I wouldn't know what you go through on a daily basis. But - Discrimination and prejudice, is never an answer to discrimination and prejudice. It is just leads to another 'snake eats its own tail' situation.

The book did have a few good moments. Especially when he talks about grown-ass men abandoning their children, putting on loose shirts and bling to going out on the street corners and play gangsta. The book also is deeply rooted in black-subculture and talks a lot about its big names. I've even got to introduced to a lot of new personalities here that I would definitely google more about. (Otis Redding!)

And that's about it. This book is one long essay by a guy, ranting about how his people are pressed to ground for centuries and how angry he feels when another cop puts down a colored person without anyone else batting an eye about it. That very might be the case but this guy just didn't word his argument too well.

Heeding to various suggestions my next read -  "The Fire Next Time" by James Baldwin 

Day 77 : Your Year in Review

As has become the norm for Facebook, they released their 'Year in Review' feature this week. This tool enables you to get a 'Top 10' of the most significant (mundane albeit popular) things you posted in the past year. Last year it made a slideshow video of your most liked/commented status updates and images, scored to the exciting tune of elevator music. This time it seems they decided to do away with a video, and just put up a bunch pictures you got tagged in onto a webpage. Getting lazy are we, Mark?

Anyways. I think they've accomplished what they were aiming for. They got me thinking about the past year on basis of those images. Which I confess aren't all that amazing to begin with. I only did two decent vacations this year, both with the same set of people I know and most of those pictures were taken during that duration. Apart from these there were a few pictures of the books I was reading (yes I take pictures of books while I read them, don't ask me why) and a few taken on a colleague's birthday. That's it. Crap, isn't that disappointing! Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy those vacations. I was in dire need of them. Also I know I am not exactly the jet-setting kind - by virtue of wallet size. But still, it is sort of disheartening to know that after spending most of the 365 days making plans to do amazing things and at the end you have nothing to show for it.

I am not kidding. I have made plans for more travels and milestones this year than I care to remembe anymore. I honestly lose track of half of them in a fortnight. I've picked up two technical courses to attend through this year, stopped them in a week. Made plans to meet up a lot of old and new friends for night outs and stuff, most of those get cancelled by the end of that very same day. Most of the things that I do get around to do are things that have somehow managed to attract a sizable crowd of friends to ensure that I don't get bored, and that we look like a hip crowd. That is another thing that I am never able to understand. Why do I always have to have a big mob of friends when we go tripping. I want to go to that hill station up North, why don't I just pack up a toothbrush and a book and just leave.

Well. I'm a classic procrastinator. I make big plans of the grand things to do the next year and end up accomplishing approximately quarter of them. Case in point - this blog. I started this Ledger at the beginning of this year making an 'unbreakable vow' to myself that I would write something here each day religiously. How many have I managed to publish so far? Around 70 so far, that comes up to just 20% over the span of 11 months! How's that for an 'unbreakable vow'.

So.. this was my 'Year in Review'. A ton of plans and commitments made, most to myself. Most of those go unmet, most to myself.

I know a lot people who would agree they feel the same way each year. Every New Year's Eve we find ourselves make a bunch of big plans to do big things the next year. Really follow our passions and lead our lives to a decidedly glorious turnabout. We all believe that our lives are largely in our control. That we are on the control panel of this spaceship. Nah.. What really happens is that we discover that we have hardly made a dent to the trajectory that our lives are in. You are just hanging along for the ride. Most of the things that shape our lives are the things that we make no note of until the shit has transpired. You don't plan for none of them, but they do go down with or without your bidding. It sure is optimistic of us to believe that we can do something about it. And so yet again we plan for another wonderful year ahead. Promising ourselves to do grand things in 2016.

Good luck with that. Really.

Day 76 : The Mercy of Passion

 I am reading a book called 'The Burden of Proof' by Scott Turow. It’s nothing exciting or anything. Just another bland legal-crime drama with the usual familial intrigues cliché "gotcha" twists. I liked one of Turow's longer books called 'Laws of Our Fathers', which comes under this same Kindle County series this book comes from. So obviously I thought to give another of his book a shot. So far, it’s pretty daily fare, haven't really come to appreciate it yet.

As with every book I read, there comes a page or a sentence or a phrase that is so well coined and expressed it makes sense why a writer has made it big when all of the other wannabe writers get lost in the vast nothingness of self-published amazon books.

The phrase in question - "The mercy of passion"

The context of it wasn't as jarring as the implications this phrase can take on. At that moment, as is usual, I put the e-reader down and go on the mental somersault of weird philosophical contemplation or letting the grey matter between our ears go on a trot. Usually ends up in a rather depressing state really. But I sort of enjoy having the luxury of being able to go on this little excursion every once in a while and pretend to be able to be using our brains for something other than the mundane routine of our daily lives.

That's where I guess the passion part of today's discourse comes in I guess. Not many people are lucky enough to have found the one big passion of their lives. The one thing that drives them and eventually shapes their whole life. People spend almost all of their adolescent life trying to find it, adult life trying to chase it, and all their elder life regretting that they never chasing tails all their life. And also, having that passion in you in some ways makes you invincible or rather immune to a lot of things. You will be excused with having to endure a lot of mundane things in life you have this image of being passionate about something. "Oh, he doesn't attend social gatherings like weddings and such. He believes these commitments compels him to take away his time better spent following molecular biology." "Oh, she doesn't do dating. She believes it being a figment of patriarchal tradition trying to shove misogynistic ideologies down women's throats." "Oh, he cannot pay the rent this month. He believes paying for rent makes him short of funds better spent gambling."

A lot of people are passionate about a lot of things in life. Not everything that would be considered good by everyone. But the thing is, I don't think it matters really. If you like what you do. And by pursuing it you are not breaking any laws or harming anyone. Well, more power to you. Go ahead, follow your heart’s desire. At least you are not dragging your lives one day at a time, evermore closer to your deathbed. So what happens if you don't you don't achieve your dreams, at least you can tell yourself on your deathbed that you tried. Maybe this mercy that you can grant yourself on the deathbed would be the one that decides if yours was a life worth living or just another live that was. 

I don't really think there is anything on the other side of death. Once you die, that's about it. Done. Fin. Nothing but a vast blackness that pours over you until the end of time. You just don't exist anymore. You as a person, as whatever name they call you and your body now, is done. So what defines you is what you do of your life while you have it. And passion plays a big thing in that. We all just need to find something that we are eagerly and honestly passionate about. It doesn't have to be something like an unattainable goal. It just can be something that you enjoy doing that you can just keep doing every day and not be tired of. If your day right now doesn't include more of that, ensure that tomorrow does. Make plans to spend more time each day for that thing that you feel you are passionate about. That way as the years pass on there will come a point in life where you find that your whole day is spent doing that one thing of which you are passionate. And that one day. That one point in life. That is Heaven.

Day 75 : The Chennai Floods Befuddlement

Those of us who tend to open up the News pages to at least catch up on most of the headlines of things that happen around the globe, often find ourselves asking this question, "Why do I have to put myself through this each day?"

There is apparently nothing good happening to anyone anywhere. Why do I have to keep coming back to these sites and read about yet another bomb blasts, shootouts, murders, rapes and yet another politician being a prick to yet another group minorities. I am pretty sure I have even written this same thing in here not that long ago. The world has now become a very crazy dangerous place to live in. At least that is what I get from all the news articles that's getting bombarded on my twitter and facebook faces.

Let's face it. These days, majority of the news that we get is from the social media. And I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with it. In retrospect I actually think that news consumption from the social media platform seems more personal and to-my-taste. As most of the articles that get shared into my feed are from people I follow or my friends. And there is more of a chance that those people and I share the same interests and care of about the same things, hence would be interested in the same things. More often so than when compared to the big news outlets that by reputation or confession tend to be biased to any one political ideology or the other. For example, how in heavens was I to know that Pluto isn't technically qualified to be called a planet if I wasn't following Neil deGrasse Tyson? Which popular media in their current hunger for clickbait titles would actually choose a topic like that over, say. Kim Kardashian's new son having more clothes than her?

To add to all of that, I still have a bone to pick with the journalists of today. I mean seriously come on. Are we still going to talk about the Sheena Bora murders when there is an actual disaster occurring right now in our country. I understand the temptation. This case provides all of the masala ingredients to fill atleast three years of prime time soap opera. But guys, I am sure there is more to the distinguished profession of journalism that dig through ages of murky family history and spray it all over your front pages and headlines. Sure.. this family has had a twisted history and family tree. Some level of possible incest thing going on. But hell. The death toll here is one. ONE. Actual death toll of the Chennai Floods? Nearly 300. How much airtime did you spend on each of them? About three weeks for the floods. And almost an eternity for the Bora case.

In the wake of such a tragedy in Chennai, there is so many stories of wonderful people doing wonderful things for fellow human beings coming out of the disaster ridden city. Stories of people of all ages, creed, religion and class coming together to help each other in times of need and bringing back a sense of normal to the city streets when logic would just ask them close their doors and stay inside their house where its safe. People are going out of their way to help people in need, by welcoming them into their own homes, sharing what little means they have to provide food and shelter to those who have lost everything during this tragic times. And you know what. That is so freaking awesome. I love these sort of news. I love reading articles and incidents that restore my 'faith in humanity'. In the midst of all this horror and terror in the dailies day in and day out. Stories like these.

There are so many more news of worth and warmth in Chennai happening right now. My wish is that they all come out safe and healthy when all this does pass. And that word of these amazing people and their humanity reach to everyone out there, who like me are in dire of something good to hold on to. Something to say that we as a specie still deserve to be around. We are still deserving to be called human.